It’s almost that tiiiiiime!

How long has it been since I wrote about switching to my capsule wardrobe? Hmm. The season’s will change in just a couple of months and I must say, I am actually looking forward to shopping! Buying new clothes is actually a lot more exciting to me since I don’t do it often. I get to pre-plan what I wanna buy, outfits I wanna make, etc…

I’m really enjoying tie-dye these days, so I’m hoping to buy 3 or 4 tie-dye kinds of shirts. I also think I’m going to keep it black this spring and summer. Besides my business professional pieces, that is. LE HAPPY has me really remembering how much I love some good old, punk, black fashion..

We’ll see though. 😉😉

Confidence

Until recently, I didn’t realize how much of it I am lacking. I like to think of myself as an amazing, valuable woman who is capable of way more than even she realizes. Yet, in the past month, I’ve caught myself saying “why me” when offered great opportunities. In those moments, something else takes over me and I begin to question myself completely. Can I really do that? Do I really know that? Am I really worth all of that?

It’s an awful feeling and I’m not quire sure how to get to the root of the issue. I am somewhat sure that part of it is that I rely to much on myself and not enough on God. So what if I can’t? He can. He can do it for me or even through me. So what’s there to doubt? Am I not following His will? I mean, I may not be perfect, but my heart is set on the will of God and I can not allow pesky self doubt get in the way. Besides, God won’t let self-doubt get in the way! Self doubt can pester me and try to take me out, but it’s no match for my God.

Like any other challenge lately, I’m looking this one in the eyes as I lace up my spiritual boxing gloves. I let these kind of thoughts rule my life for too long. Now, one-by-one I am determined to face them head on.

Another month down, another month to go

Wow, January went by incredibly slow. 😅 Despite that I didn’t really start class until the second week, and there was snow that caused me to have nearly a week off, January seemed to drag on by. February doesn’t seem like it’s going to go that way though. I’ve begun to really buckle down at work and take it seriously. Meanwhile, I’ve changed my perspective and attitude towards my classes and things are going great. My walk with God is still mysterious, rewarding, and so exciting and I am generally looking forward to the future. My never ending quest for inner happiness is equally as mysterious and rewarding I think. I’m really figuring myself out these days and finding new shortcomings.

I’ve taken a step back from my social media accounts and I’ve also changed some personal “beliefs” I had. One in particular was the nail craze and my thoughts towards makeup. I’ve actually decided to let long nails go. I’m a lady who was meant to have short nails I think. Plus, long nails come with too much baggage! I’ve been taking much better care of my skin, but I’ve also decided to wear neutral makeup just a little more often.

As far as Japanese goes… well… it goes in the “dissapointed” bucket along with working out and dieting. I’ve hardly kept up with my 50 words per week and its unacceptable. It seems like for every bit of myself that I clean up, another little bit unravels. I have not kept up with my reading goals and my time management has been ridiculous. I’m wondering what I need to do to get myself on track and the main thought that comes to my mind is that I should probably start spending more time at school, in the library. And speaking of school, questions of my career have come and gone too. A part of me has been trying to come to grips with the fact that I may not actually work in this field that study. Another part of me doesn’t care, as long as I satisfy what it really is that I am looking to accomplish in this life. Money and a job are simply tools I plan to use to build something much greater. The job could be almost anything. Plus my beliefs about what I think of as “boundless” success have me feeling quite secure.

Honestly though, I am sort of hoping that February zooms by. I just want to hurry up and enter my senior year of uni!

Let’s go February!!

200 新しい言葉! 2週目

Ah shoot I’m late!

Okay, honestly I have no excuse for what I’m about to say. This week I was actually snowed in and had EXTRA time to study Japanese. Instead, I spent much of my time contemplating life. That’s not to say that I didn’t study, but I did not learn my vocabulary as well as I did last week. This week, I will refresh myself on the words that I’ve already learned and my new 50 words will come from a pre-made JLPT N3 deck on quizlet.

SIGH

Finding treasures in the depths

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The depths of my mind used to be a place that I was afraid to visit. It was dark and filled to its capacity with bad thoughts and nightmarish versions of all my memories. I’ve slowly sorted through the thoughts in there and I’ve emptied out much of the trash ones. I’m still questioning just about everything I thought I knew about myself and my beliefs. Today, while pondering the typical college student thoughts of “what will I do when I graduate”, I realized something. I don’t want to do what I’m doing now. Just typing that feels so bad…

What if the job that I always considered to be my “childhood dream” isn’t really the job that I want to do? For a normal person, this is probably a ridiculous and simple question. Of course the job you thought you wanted to do as a child is not the job that you want to do now! Well… it’s not that simple for me. For a long time, I held on to my inner child. As if I froze her in the moment that I began to dislike my childhood, only to revisit her when I became an adult and give her all of the things she wished she had emotionally and physically. It’s been very difficult for me to realize that the child has grown up and no longer requires to be taken care of in this way, but it’s been a work in progress. At a time, I tailored my life to revolve around her. I played with toys, bought books I used to read as a child, and even listened to some music that she liked. I got past almost all of it, but I’m learning that there are still some things that I think and do that are soley based on this inner child that I am working to get rid of. Today’s epiphany was just another hurdle that I think I am ready to overcome. I’m starting to realize that my dream of becoming a laboratory scientist may not be the actual route that I want to take. I do love science and I enjoy my job, but I am being forced to accept the fact that it is just not what I want to do for a career and that that’s OK. When I think of myself pursuing a different career, I almost feel as if I’ve let someone down.

As far as my career is concerned, well that’s a beast for another day. I’ve said it here before, but I don’t see myself just doing some regular 9-5 madness for my entire life. And I don’t think I should feel one bit of guilt if my first job after college seemingly has nothing to do with what I went to school for. Considering the many ways that nutrition can be bent and twisted to fit anywhere, I don’t see why I’d feel bad for applying for a job other than that of a clinical dietitian. I know that thinking this way seems worthless to most people. They think i’ll “learn” when I end up stuck at my 9 to 5 trying to make ends meet. It’s always funny to me because I don’t live in the box that everyone has their minds confined to. The good news for me is that I am single and free to explore life however I see fit and I intend to remain this way until I find a place in life that I’m ready to settle into.

Is “couponing” worth it?

I’ve heard people throwing around the words “extreme couponing” for some time now, but shopping with coupons is not something that I haven’t heard of before today. When I was a kid, I was going to ride with a friend to JapanFest (in fact I think it was my first time going) and before we left, her mom told her to put the coupon binder in the car. Well, my friend was just a kid and so she forgot, like kids do, and her mom punished us both by forcing us to leave the event early because she could not clip her coupons while she waited for us. Besides that, my only other thought of coupons are those old school dispensers that used to be in the grocery stores. I never took coupons seriously, even when I was broke. But since I decided to take this leap into my new lifestyle, the idea of shopping with coupons is beginning to seem relevant. I would really like to save as much money as I possibly can this year to prepare for my upcoming move and I’m thinking that shopping a bit frugally could support my goal. Coupons sound great to me because I’m not a huge fan of buying a bunch of cheap stuff that won’t work or last, but quality items that I can possibly buy at a discounted rate.

I don’t even know where I would start with coupons though. I’ve been recommended a couple of subscription services as well as a site called ebates. But I don’t have a clue as to how I can get into the world of couponing or if it is even really worth it. For now, it’s sort of a back-burner idea until I can get more insight, but I’ve already begun researching how I will stretch my pennies this year.

First week back & my new mantra

I am officially back for a new semester and I’ve got to say it started off so, so rocky. 😅 I actually had a little bit of a rough time getting home because of all of the east coast snow delaying flights. Once I actually got home, I was battling hormones and jet lag at the same time. It didn’t help that when I got to one of my classes, the professor basically described her class as a living nightmare because of her unrealistic expectations she will place on to her students. And I’m not saying this just because it’s what I think, I am taking what she said and re-stating it. That pretty much ruined my mood and attitude for my other classes for the day and possibly the week. But I think I did a very decent job at making an effort to always keep my head up, stay motivated, and stay on track. Along with the many other things on my mind, I had a very difficult time even getting out of bed this week, BUT I am proud to say that I fought through it and I am using my time this weekend to charge up my spiritual batteries so that I can come back three times as strong. I am planning to create some motivational posters to put on the walls in my room and I’ve decided on a mantra. “One year left”. Picturing the things I plan to have an accomplish after I finish this chapter of my life lifts me up a lot. I am being careful, however, not to shift all of my focus onto how “great” the future will be when I get out of this place. That was one of my 2017 mistakes that I vowed not to make in 2018. I will enjoy this year and I will enjoy the current chapter of my life. My little mantra is good for the days that I just… can’t, but it is not my daily motto.