I really, really want to move back home. Yeah, I said home.
Sometimes, I see YouTubers enjoying their lives in Japan, some visiting, some teaching English, some having only moved because of the military or a spouse.. and I feel so anxious. It seems like everyone is going to Japan, except for me. Even my own mom has moved there (coincidence?) and sometimes I get this awful thought that Japan will become too full of people and there won’t be enough room for me.. I see buildings I’ve visited, signs I used to see, and hear the language that always sounds the sweetest to my ears, and I just feel so.. sick. Homesick, I think. There aren’t too many things on this planet that I know I want. Like, I want these things more than I want anything else in my life, and to live my life in Japan is on that short list of 3 or 4 things. I’ve had this passion for over 10 years now. More than half of my life. And I still don’t really know why. All I know, is that deep down inside, I truly believe that I belong there. It doesn’t help that there’s no place in America that I call home either. Isn’t home supposed to be where the heart is? Well.. how in the world did my heart end up on the other side of this planet?? Because it’s certainly not here (and I don’t even know why.. I’ve lived in America my whole life).
So, I need a solution! Well, I mean I think I’ve got one. It’s simple.
Colossians 3:2 instructs me to set my mind on “things above, not on earthly things.” (NIV) I read this scripture as “earthly things” being anything that I may just be stuck on, to a point where I’ve practically forgotten that there’s something greater. “Things above” being heaven, and the will of God.
I do believe my burning desire to live in Japan was even placed there by Him and that it’s by his will that I will move to Japan, permanently. I recognize that many obstacles will occur to try and distract me from actually moving, and I just can’t let that happen. It’s too easy for me to sit here and jealously stare down my pc screen, wishing I could move to Japan too. Instead of wasting my time, I should be sure that I’m prepared for this part of my life that’s literally around the corner.
I’m closer than ever to fulfilling my life dream, and I shouldn’t allow some silly jealous clouds to fog me up. Jealously is an ugly thing anywho. (And when I find myself feeling jealous of someone, I like to purposely send positive energy in their direction.) I should, and will, reshift my energy to doing what it is that I need to be doing so I can get the heck on!
**A couple other favorite scriptures that I like to meditate on during times like these include:
Philippians 4:6 (NIV) “6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
1 Peter 5:7 (NIV) “7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”