Well, my 19 hour semester has officially begun. Its slow start is how I know that around midterms it’s going to be a full blown storm.
Side note: You know, I’m not even worried though. Jesus literally laid down to take a nap while he was in some sort of simple sail boat and knew there was a storm brewing. LOL. Now, of course he also knew he could walk on water and stuff but.. I’m just saying… when they woke him up about the storm, he actually told them to chill out and he made it go away so they’d stop whining. Well, Jesus, I’m not going to whine (more than usual) to you about this storm! I’m gonna take a nap with you…! And by take a nap, I mean do things to make myself believe everything is fine while I make my way through this mess…!
Side, side note: I officially have a ticket ready and paid for, for my next vacation to my home. I taped it to my wall and every day I am reminded that there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
Okay, I’m done making depressing statements about college. I actually intended to make this a post about the GOOD thing about college. Lately I’ve been alone with my thoughts, and I’ve had time to contemplate what it is that I’m using my precious time for. It led me to picture my life after college. Working. A lot. No more leaving 20 minutes early, showing up 10 minutes late, spring/fall/winter/summer breaks, reading day, etc… It’s just going to be work and my saved up paid vacation days. Wow. Although I often consider myself to be a “busy” person, I’m not when I compare my life to that after college. It made me think, I’m so “busy” now, but with what? This is a precious time in my life where I can really find myself and make the decision to really follow my passion. Or else I could end up in the well known “purgatory” where you work all day at a place you despise and have no time to get out of the cycle. If not time, you don’t have the money and can’t afford to take any time off work to pursue another course in life. And I’d imagine it’s even tougher once you’ve started a family.
No, no, no, no…! That can’t be me. I can’t end up like that. I’ve got to be sure that I’m not so busy “preparing for the real world” and chasing the “perfect” resume, that I miss my chance to get to know myself and find what it is that I really want to do. I love to draw, almost as much as I love to speak Japanese. I also love writing. I’ve got to be sure that I’m making time with what time I have outside of classes for these loves. For some reason, we’ve been taught to believe that a good life is just about making plenty of money by working a “good job”. We aren’t even taught how to become the boss of said job or how to make more money than we already do. Nope, it’s like… hell starts there.
Sigh. Perhaps this is some crazy rant of mine, but I just felt the need to write about it. I don’t want to chase something that will lead me astray and keep me from happiness. And somehow, it seems like I’ve been programmed to do just that in almost all aspects of my life. I’m going to be sure that I make the most of this short time that I have left in my current space. Not only because I am moving, but because I actually want to start my life. I want to settle. I want to buy property, adopt pets, get married, and even have children. I don’t want to spend forever figuring myself out before I can start my life, and I don’t want to not figure myself out and suddenly do it after I’ve done these things to (practically) cement myself into purgatory. (But I do understand that it will take me a long time to really figure out who I am. I am just tired of this period of my life where it feels like I can’t live until I discover who it is that I want to be.)
So, I think the true purpose of college is to have a big, free block of time to discover who you are, your purpose, and how you will become successful. It’s not just to take a butt-load of boring classes, maybe even in a major you hate, just to get a “good job”.
Sure, I could have a part 2 to this epiphany in a few years, or after I’ve settled, and I could decide to take a different path. But in that case, if nothing else, I’ll have these lessons I learned (and blogged) in my tender twenties to look back at and guide me through it again. So I’m not worried.