Giving away my happiness

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They say that happiness is something that you choose to have. And that nobody can take it away from you if you don’t let them. Yet, how is it that today at 12pm I found myself with red, puffy, swollen eyes again? This time, I was actually at work.

You can just make the decision that you’re going to be happy… or at least that’s what I’ve heard thus far. Well, I can’t recall waking up one day and saying I DIDN’T want to be happy, but here I am. Or sometimes, perhaps my issue is that I’m failing to acknowledge that I’m sad. Could it be that? Because at this point, I must be listing my happiness for free somewhere on the internet. I’ve obviously allowed someone or something to take it from me because happy is not something I know these days.

I recognize that this change is not one that I can make on my own. I know that only God can do it through me. So maybe I’m focusing my energy on the wrong issue? Perhaps the true problem is that I’m doing something to prevent him from truly working in and through me?

The job I have now has been my dream job since I was a child and it’s frightening to me to think that I can be miserable while fulfilling a life dream. Of course I know that things will get better and I know that there’s no way to prevent the roller coaster of life from going up and down. But whatever the lifehack is that allows some people to just be happy under any circumstances is, I wanna have it too. And I’m sure it’s as available to me as it is to anyone else.

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