My babies are growing! And apparently, so am I.
For what seemed like forever, I walked outside onto my patio to look at the containers of dirt and I’d come back into my apartment feeling defeated. I just knew that they weren’t going to grow.
“Because I don’t have a green thumb, I’ve never grown anything from seed before, and I am just bound to mess everything up. Not to mention, they aren’t growing at a rate where I can notice that growth is actually occurring.”
Man, these thoughts so so… familiar. Perhaps because that’s my perspective on just about every thing in my life. I’m bound to screw it up and life has to prove to me that I am valuable and capable because I lack true self-confidence. I doubted my plants before they could even sprout from the ground. I looked at the soil they were in and simply dismissed it as “dead dirt”, not even giving myself the chance to see the beauty growing beneath.
I was genuinely surprised when I came outside to see that little green things had sprouted up, standing tall and proud, in the soil… and I grew that. My time, money, hard work, and even the lack of patience I had… it all paid off. I am reaping what I sowed and it’s beautiful. I literally jumped for joy and squealed when I saw those itsy-bitsy green leaves popping up from the soil. And they’re growing bigger by the day. I’ve got to learn to be nicer to myself, to be more patient and understanding, and to believe in God’s promises. I can’t just look at everything as “dead dirt” when it doesn’t go my way. While I acknowledge some of this behavior as my defense mechanism for the daily paranoia and anxiety that I live with, I know that it’s also just habit- for now. I hope my little green babies continue to teach me life lessons, as other beautiful parts of nature has done. (Like the flowers I found wrapped around the barbed-wire.