Refusing to go around the mountain again

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Photo by Jens Johnsson on Pexels.com

 

About a month ago, I made a pretty painful decision for my own good and I stuck to it. Now that I look back at it, it may still sting a bit, but I did something that I’ve ever done before. I put my big-girl heels on and I completely ended a budding toxic relationship. It came soon after watching the result of a toxic relationship hurt someone close to me. I was giving them all of this advice, lifting them up, and reminding them that they deserve better. All the while, I was allowing myself to be treated like I was worthless by someone whom I was giving nothing but my kindness and support to. I went into a space where I could be alone and pray before I ended it and blocked off all lines of communication. I felt upset afterwards with myself though. I couldn’t understand how I, considering the things I’ve been through before now, allowed myself to get treated that way by some… guy, again. But after some time, I realized that, that’s not what’s important here. I have been making strides in the right direction, over and over again this year. I’m really moving forward in life and I’m NOT still going around the mountain that I was trapped on before. This was a realization that I definitely needed to understand at a time like this, when the enemy is surely trying to knock me down before I reach my finish line. I’m pretty proud to be going forward and I am committed to not looking back.

I’m also pretty happy to say that I carry no bitterness or resentment towards him either. I’m slowly learning the art of letting go and how to forgive the men in my past. One-by-one, I am finally cutting the last tie they had to my life- my resentment towards them. I wake up many days after a long session of self-reflection, and I just feel like this huge anchor has been lifted from my shoulders. I’m clearing space in my life, physically and emotionally, for the things that will be far more important. For the future. The future that I was predestined to have, no matter what.

 

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