My Only Summer Goal

Spend today ina library

It was just three months ago that I sat in my supervisors office with red, swollen, teary eyes. I was irritable, irrational, and just straight up tired of the world. My supervisor sat across from me in attendance of my pity party with a sad look on her face and she asked me if I wanted to continue working at my job. 

“This will make room in my life for something that I will actually enjoy.” That’s what I told myself on my walk to my car, my last day working at what I thought was my dream job. I had given myself similar advise regarding my break up that had happened just one week prior. I had been thinking for a while about how I needed to take time to actually grow my passions and figure out what I wanted to do with my life after college, I even wrote about these thoughts on this blog. So, I knew that was one thing I could spend my summer doing, but my goal was to spend more time getting closer to God and figuring myself out. I had lost the “glow” that I had 12 months ago and I was becoming dull and lifeless. I needed to get it back. I even texted a good friend and discussed how I could get my glow back this summer. I was embarrassed by the ending of my relationship, unsure if I had failed a class I needed to graduate, and left the job that I had thought was my dream. I had let the enemy convince me that my life was falling apart before my eyes and I was sinking into a dark corner that I hadn’t gone to in a while.

But God had other plans for me. He wasn’t going to let the darkness claim me and I knew it.

 

One day, while I was going through the pictures that I took, my phone showed me a photo of myself one year ago from the same date. I was healthier, fit, happier, and my skin was glowing and in that moment I realized that, that’s what I needed to get back to. I decided that I’d begin with keeping up my appearance, so that I at least looked like a woman who was happy with her life. The women’s group that I had joined a couple of months prior was starting a new bible study and I just knew it would be what I needed to get a flame lit under me again. In fact, studying the bible was the last thing God had put on my heart to do (which I dismissed as too difficult) before things seemed to spiral out of control. I set language goals and started seriously studying Japanese and decided that I would revamp my language blog. I decided that I would finally dive into my passion, just pursue it, and stop worrying about whether or not my passion will “make me money”. I listened to Tony Robbins coaching videos, read up frequently about enjoying where I am in life right now, started working out 3 times per week, and continued to see my therapist regularly. I felt like I was getting it back- my glow.

The best part was that, I was that I wasn’t just getting my radiant personality back. I was learning so much from bible study, including that I was actually capable of studying The Bible. Having fellowship with the women in my group was providing me with a safe space to grow and share my problems with, as well as to form great friendships and feel uplifted. Taking my language studies and blogs seriously was making me feel so happy and fulfilled because I had been devoting so much time to doing what I actually enjoy doing. My language skills increased from all of the studying too. The dark corner that I was once in is now filled with so much light that I’ve been able to get a glimpse of my future. It doesn’t look gloomy and grey, but instead it’s bursting with color. I see myself serving God’s purpose for my life and being so happy and appreciative of my entire life- even the bad parts.

I got more than my glow back. I got a sense of peace that I didn’t have one year ago. I got a new strength and momentum that will help me to get through the rest of this year and into 2019- which will be a very big year for me! I refuse to let life’s lemons, or the lemons I throw at myself, take me down! Also, sidenote; I’ve got to stop throwing lemons at myself. Life is hard enough on me, so I should be kinder to myself. I’ve got to stop “empowering the negative thoughts and disempowering the positive” as Tony put it.

Thanks for reading~ Let me know how your summer goals are coming along in the comments. 😘

 

 

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