Well, exactly what I was worried about and stressing about happened. I ran out of money. My job wasn’t paying me enough, my bills piled up, and before I knew it- my bank account had been emptied.
This isn’t the first time I’ve been through this though, but I’m hoping it’s the last. The good thing about having been in this situation before is that I know how to survive it. Not to mention, I live on a cheap college-kid budget anyway, so I’m used to living with very little.
I’ve had to spend a lot of my energy not stressing about the numbers I see when I check my bank account. I check it so often out of fear of some auto-draft transaction bouncing. And of course, my bad habit of not buying shoes often enough has caught up to me. I’ve got this terrible ache in my right foot because my shoes are all worn out and now I don’t really have the money to replace them.
Sure, I could reach out to some people I know and tell them about my situation, but why? I’ve got clothes on my back and food in my stomach, plus a roof over my head. There’s no need to worry the people I know. Not to mention, this period of time will actually be ending soon since classes will end and I’ll be able to just work and make money. Plus my third job just started, so I’ll be getting paid for that very soon too and I will probably have at least enough to buy decent groceries.
Going through this for the second time has brought me back down to the level of humble I needed to be reminded of. It’s so easy for me to write people off or get angry with them, not thinking about how I might need them- let alone the fact that they have feelings too. I make emotional decisions to leave my job, not thinking of how I’ll survive without money. Also, I tend not to be as grateful for the things I do have when I know I can have more. Whereas now I am just happy to have a full tank of gas.
The last time I ran out of money, I had nothing. I sold my treasured iPad and practically the clothes off my back. I might have made about $900 at the end of it, only to find myself sleeping on floors about 6 months later. If I could survive those times, I can certainly survive now when I can at least afford to pay my bills and buy sandwich meat.
I think what bothers me more isn’t my lack of money, but my lack of time. I feel like I break my back for every penny- only for it not to be enough, and I miss out on the things I care about. I’d get all deep and think about how this is a lot of people’s “normal” reality, but I gotta get ready for work tomorrow morning and I don’t feel like being depressed.
Anyway, this too shall pass… ey?