For once, I took off from work and school to take care of myself and I’ve had to spend the entire day not letting myself feel bad for it. Now, I’ve got to be honest, I was actually forced to take this day off. I’m terribly sick and I’ve had pain throughout my entire body, plus I’m not getting any sleep. Ironically enough too, this all started within a day of me picking up a 3rd job. I couldn’t help but see it as a reminder from God that I am relying too hard on myself and not enough on Him.
Normally when I get sick or mentally unwell, I convince myself that I’m just throwing myself a pity party and I go about my day. My friends, family, and even my doctor have told me to stop doing this, but I continue. Why? Honestly, I have this antagonistic voice in my head that tells me that everything that I say or do is me being a baby. It convinces me to constantly push myself to my limits, which usually produces great results… but also produces a massive amount of anxiety and stress. For a few months now, I have been trying my best to take better care of myself, but I think that I’ve (yet again) pushed myself too hard. I think that if I hadn’t pushed myself so hard this week, I wouldn’t be as sick as I am today.
I want to do better. I do. I want to feel better overall too. So, I’m patting myself on the back for taking the rest of this week off and staying in bed. Baby steps.