3. What are your core personal values?
According to the author, these should be the things that give me “a reference for what is good, beneficial, important, useful, desirable, and constructive”. Again, this isn’t something that I’ve ever really sat down and thought about. I just sort of walked around assuming that I knew the answer to this question. Now that I’m thinking about my answer to this question, I can easily see how vital it is to absolutely know what it is that you stand for.
One of my core values is respect. Receiving respect from those around me, respecting others, and respecting myself. In my relationships, I’ve grown to be intolerant of disrespect- regardless of who it is. I understand that no one is perfect. I’m definitely not perfect and I know it, however, if I communicate to someone (important in my life) that I am feeling devalued or degraded by their actions and they continue it- I am ready to permanently end the relationship and move on.
When it comes to respecting others, I’ve learned to be more mild tempered with people. I seek to understand people and avoid conflict at all costs. I ask that they communicate their boundaries to me and I try my best to adhere or discuss a middle ground between us. When I disrespect someone, be it a mistake or not, I am typically prepared to be called out for it. And if I don’t feel like I can exist respectfully with another individual, I stay away from them, ignore their existence, and be as respectful as I can from a distance.
Respecting myself is probably even harder for me to do than to respect others. I have perfectionist tendencies, so I beat myself up a lot. I also tend to make things vital to myself a low priority. A perfect example is that I have recently been struggling financially. Rather than prioritizing having food in my belly or clothes on my back, I prioritized bills and other things. As a result, I became very sick and I was so regretful that I hadn’t made it a priority to care for myself. I also try to be mindful about how I treat myself and what kinds of situations I put myself into. I try to avoid unsafe environments and I do not allow men to disrespect my body- not even a little.
I firmly believe in working hard to get the things I want in my life and I have more respect for people who work hard than for those who wait around for handouts. I don’t expect anything in life to come easy and I’m okay with that. In fact, I love the feeling of enjoying something that I worked hard on. This doesn’t mean that I think that everything in life should be miserable, or a struggle. Most of the time, working hard doesn’t look or feel painful when it’s something of value to me. It moreso looks like dedication and passion. When I’m miserable and struggling, it’s usually some hurdle in my life that I strongly dislike- though it still adds to my character.
Love (& Support)
I love the idea of love and of being supported. I have to say the “idea of” though because there aren’t very many people in my life that have made me feel loved and supported. More than anything, I’ve felt supported in my life but not loved. I used to cling to my friendships when I was a bit younger because I felt that they were my source of love (and I viewed them as family). However, I came to see that in the end, they either didn’t value relationships in general, or that their blood family was worth significantly more than their relationship with me. I ended up changing my viewpoints on (most) friendships in general and for a while, I felt hopeless about ever having the feeling of love and support from a family unit of my own. These days, I’ve got hope and I can say that I’ve got a few people in my life that do make me feel this way.
The relationships in my life that make me feel the most loved and/or supported are the ones that I tend to value the most. Whereas the ones that make me feel the opposite- I easily discard.
Perhaps this one is just me thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. I long for stability in my life, be it my mental health, relationships, job/career, or physical location. I’ve been working on my mental stability as of lately and I can easily say that it’s made my life much better in general. I’m not up and down about people and I feel more secure about the emotions that I do feel (that they’re not irrational). I tend to worry less, considering that I’ve got a bad case of anxiety, and I feel more confident in the things in my life that are stable. I’m looking forward to having a sense of stability with my physical location after I move this year. I’m hoping that it won’t take me more than a couple of years to root myself somewhere. Settling down is actually one of my top priorities right now and it’s a part of what drives me these days.
I feel like there are more but I got so much out of just identifying these few. Perhaps I’ll need to visit this post quite a few times to re-read it this week.