Hindsight : A Look Back At My First 3 Posts (Part 2)


This is a continuation of a series, analyzing my first 3 posts and seeing how I feel 2 years later. I am also doing this to (privately) analyze my growth as a writer.

Post 2: Fitness Problems

“When I picture my ideal self, I picture myself almost exactly the way I look now. The only difference is that I’m about 10 lbs lighter. Strength is the major difference though. I want to be stronger and I want to have more stamina and endurance. HOWEVER, I’m having a few issues while trying to achieve my fitness goals..”

In this blog post, I discussed the obstacles coming between me and my ideal level of fitness. Truth-be-told, I can tell that my main frustration was my weight- not fitness. I struggle with body dysmorphia. It’s something I’ve been dealing with for as long as I can remember; never feeling skinny enough and always terrified of gaining too much weight. When I wrote this post, I was still in a college program that required me to workout 3-4 times per week with a group and I was working out 3-4 times per week on my own; so could I have really been that concerned about fitness?

I listed some reasons for why I couldn’t get fit;

  1. Nutrition
  2. Meal prepping takes too long
  3. I didn’t want to track macros
  4. I didn’t want to exercise when the weather sucked
  5. Pre-made workout plans didn’t work for me
  6. I couldn’t even figure out why I wanted to be fit

The nutrition part makes sense and it’s something I’m learning to comprehend on a psychological level when it comes to everyday people. I’m even considering getting a PhD in some sort of human behavioral science. I was under the impression that picking out what foods I wanted to eat had to be like a maze and I know better now. You know how I make sure my diet is nutritious now? This image:

Sound simple? It is. I make sure that I’m eating foods from each group at least 3 times per day and I try to make sure that the source is as whole/unprocessed as possible. Am I perfect at this? Not even a little. But I try.

  • To this day, I still meal-prep. It takes a ton of time but I have to do it. Not only for my health but for my bank account. When I don’t meal-prep, I eat out a ton, waste money, and end up broke.
  • I still don’t track macros and I am just fine with admitting that it’s a major part of the reason why I can’t seem to lose weight. I don’t like tracking what I eat; i’d rather focus on portion size and how much time I spent working out instead.
  • I also still don’t like to exercise when the weather is bad. I just don’t. It’s not something that I’m proud of, but I just look forward to the day that this no longer impacts me.
  • Pre-made workout plans probably could work for me if I used them. The same goes for workout videos. However, I don’t use them because I don’t have a space that I feel comfortable enough working out in to use them.

And last but not least, do I know now why I want to be fit? I’ll be honest, a part of it is definitely still my desire to be thinner. I don’t know if it’ll ever leave me. I am also a runner now, so I really want to get stronger and increase my endurance so that I can run farther and more often. However, with my schedule, amongst other factors, this just isn’t the primary focus of my life. As long as I’m not so big that I’m busting out of my clothes, I’m ok. I know that the time will come where I’m able to devote more of my time to improving my diet and working out, so until then I’ll just keep trying my best.


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