It’s not hard to believe that an entire week has gone by since my post about not being happy to start my new job. It’s not hard to believe because I feel like an entire week has gone by. I am tired, still somewhat anxious, and treasuring any time that I get to be by myself.
However, I have had a change of heart about my job. In fact, at one point during the week, work became my stress relief. The joy of working with elementary is that there are always things that you can be doing to keep your hands (and mind) busy. One morning, during a tear-filled drive, I told myself that I would just focus on the kids, and doing that changed how I feel about work altogether. The children need me and they need me to be my best self. I started to see this job as my “second chance”- an opportunity to give these children all of the things that I wished I had when I was there age. Not to mention, I want to have (or adopt) children of my own and this can be my first opportunity to practice being a mother-like figure with children. Especially since some of the children lack one, or both parents, or they don’t have anyone that is really “raising them” and giving them life skills. The more I poured into work, the more fulfilled I felt. This job became less of a burden to me and more of an opportunity. It also helps that the teachers have began introducing their selves to me and I feel like I may even make friends.
Still, my life isn’t exactly where I’d like for it to be. There are many question marks and areas that I am being forced to wait and see “where the chips fall” and it’s just scary. I have no reason to feel like things are falling apart, or that they won’t end well, but my anxiety tells me otherwise. I’m just taking baby steps for now and trying to stay focused on the things that are tangible and important to me. Not to mention I have been trying to remain grateful for the things in my life that I do have.
In other news, I’m making my mind up on some upcoming things that I want to post here. There’s an anxiety workbook that I’ve been going through and would like to share, small milestones I’ve made with my physical health and diet, and thoughts that I’ve had swirling around my mind about things like budgeting. Not to mention, I feel the urge to make a virtual dream board for the remainder of the year. We’ll see!