So, you’re not where you (think you) want to be in life right now. You’ve got a vision of the ideal future, its bells and whistles, and you can just image how much better things would be if you could get there. I get it. Trust me, I do. I’ve dreamt of packing my things and starting my life in Japan since I was a little girl. It was easy to look at things and say “well, at least when I move away I won’t have to deal with that anymore”. Funny enough, the things that I was trying to run away from just happened to constantly reoccur in my life. I hadn’t considered that maybe I was the issue and that it was time for a change.
About a year or so ago, I discussed this with my therapist. I wasn’t happy with my life because it felt like I was waiting for it to start. I was just trying to sprint through life to get to where I “wanted to be” and I knew that it was problematic because I had an epiphany- after I accomplish my goal, I’ll start to chase the next one. At the rate that I was going, I knew that it would only be a matter of time before I got to Japan and began to hate my life. I resented the idea of wanting something for so long and not being able to enjoy it; I wanted to make a change.
Determine What You Really Want and How to Start on It Now
I was so focused on moving that I had put my ambitions on hold. I felt like I couldn’t start feeling as if I “started my life” until after I moved and settled down. Without realizing it, I was depriving myself and it was making me miserable. I projected that misery onto my current circumstances, but it was really just me, making myself miserable.
Consider what it is that you really want. Perhaps it’s to lose weight, start a family, or make a certain amount of money. However, what is it that you’re trying to gain from these things? Do you want to lose weight so that you’re more attractive and likeable? Do you want to start a family for companionship, or to feel loved? Think of ways that you can enjoy your life now, while working towards those things. You should also consider that you might be glamorizing your “goal” and making it into something unrealistic. This would just make it even harder to enjoy if you accomplish it.
Before you even try to lose weight (in the circumstances that I used for an example), you should work on your confidence now. Learn how to improve your looks and enjoy who you are, as you are now. Otherwise, you’ll lose the weight and you’ll still feel like it’s not enough the second something happens that causes you to question yourself.
Maybe you’re in the situation I mentioned about wanting to start a family. Think of the companions you already have and the people who care about you. If you don’t feel that you have this, then you should try to seek it out. You might be like me and have friends/family that you just don’t reach out to very much. Consider reaching out to them and making time to spend with them more often. Become a mentor to someone younger than you, especially a child, if having a child is what you’re after. Sure, that young person is not your child, but you could be helping to raise them (in a way) by pouring your love, energy, and wisdom into that child.
For me, I decided to stop waiting to do some of the things that I wanted to do when I moved. I dated, learned how to manage (or get rid of) negative relationships, and tried to enjoy the city where I currently live. I even started this blog because I’d been telling myself that I would blog about my life in Japan after I moved. Then I thought to myself- “well, is my life even interesting enough to blog about now?” and I realized that I was glamorizing my life in Japan, as if it would be a perfect fairy tale ending.
I’m not saying I’m perfect at doing this. There are definitely some situations (and people) in my life that are just difficult to be okay with and I know that I’ll be rid of them when I move. However, I try to remember that I could end up in the same situation after I move and I’ll need to know how to cope and manage.
So I hope that this advice helps someone who’s struggling to enjoy their current circumstances. It will get better, believe me, but if you don’t learn to find the good (even if there’s only a little) things to focus on, despite where you are currently, you’ll just end up going around this same mountain as your life improves.