Ah yes. Instead of studying for the JLPT, I am going to write a blog post about an unrelated topic.
I managed to climb all the way down from the ledge today when an anxiety attack smacked me across the head. I sort of knew that something was up when I tried speaking and I kept mispronouncing my words. Then came uncertainty of myself, tunnel vision, appetite loss and finally rapid heart beat. Standing on a ledge is truly the best way to describe this feeling. It’s like suddenly, at rapid speed, I’m re-evaluating nearly everything I’ve ever done as if the end is near. And then a little thought floated across my mind to think about the future instead of the present or past. It was as if the drain plug had been pulled out and the flood that I was going to drown in is now slowly emptying out. The worst part is how easily I am triggered. It doesn’t take much for my mind to go into this mode. But either way, I will not let this consume me.
I’m not only happy to have coping mechanisms handy now to stop me from doing things I’d later regret, but I am also happy to have the outlook I have now on the future. Anxiety is clearly not quite ready to let go of my life and I am glad to know ways to fight it off.
I sat the JLPT on July the 2nd, and I have taken some rest during the whole month of July (meaning, still doing some Japanese regularly but not studying grammar or anything related to the JLPT). And now I realise that there are only four months left before the next test in December 😱
When self-studying, taking the JLPT gives you a straight road to follow when most textbooks leave you in the wild pretty soon
I tried the N2 level in July, but I don’t think that I will pass it and anyway, prepare for N1 in 4 months would be 無理・むり. So, I’ll try N2 once more, but this time I MUST have it! 😤
To pass the test in July, I studied with the So-matome series. I love this series, I recommend it to anyone who is studying Japanese, not only test takers. It was as…
For a long time now, I’ve wanted to get some henna done. I want to get henna on my right hand and chest so that I can think of how I might look if I got additional tattoos there. Honestly, I think that tattoos look really nice depending on the location and quality. My favorite tattoos are hands, chest, ankles, and arms. I always hoped to be able to have nice tattoos on my right hand some day. I don’t know why I like it so much, but I just do. 😄 Hopefully in 2018 I can finally get some henna and uhh… I can’t speak too soon but a new tattoo may appear
I really enjoy my little blog and what it is becoming. Sometimes, I remind myself of this when I get anxious and start to question why I have a blog and whether or not to keep it. It’s so easy to quit doing something that you don’t feel secure in and I refuse to let that be the case with this blog.
At the same time, I think I can use those emotions to positively fuel my energy being directed into only what is it that I know I want to do right now. I’m not entirely sure that I want to be on YouTube, Facebook, or even Instagram, so I tend to go on and off of using those platforms, despite that I don’t even have bad intentions for them. I just don’t know how doing them makes me feel. When I made this blog, I literally sat down and wrote out a plan. I even made rules for myself. I haven’t been that clear with the others and I just don’t think I want to keep up with them. I think I want to just stick with blogging and that’s okay.
I don’t think I’ve ever had this much trouble crossing off my to do list… but this finals week list has been so hard. And just when I think it can’t get any harder- IT DOES. Sigh. The good news is that, despite how hard it has been, I am still killing it. I might feel like I’m losing a little piece of sanity (lol!) but hey.. difficult has not equaled out to impossible.
Also, I just realized that tomorrow is supposed to be the first day of the 30 day challenge I mentioned in my other post. Oh lordy!
In better, happier, virtual news, this game has really got me thinking of what kind of place I want when I finally begin the journey of settling down. It’s such a happy thought, I’ve even been thinking of making a new vision board, piecing together my ideas for my first “home”.
Also, the trailer for the upcoming avengers movie looked great!
I’ve only got one day of classes left… The rest of my time this week will be spent studying intensely. I am just so ready for this semester to end. And after it does, the first thing I want to do is figure out how I will avoid burning out like this again..! I think that the first thing that I will do after my last final exam is lay down. I might spend the day in bed watching kung fu movies. The next thing I want to do is consider my options for getting a piece of workout equipment in my home. Like a treadmill or something.
As far as my virtual life goes:
The animals are total divas
I don’t understand why I can’t put my new TV on a tabletop
Giovanni has me set up for a 30k loan as if I didn’t just go into debt paying off a 10k loan
Well, my break has already come to an end. In fact, I’m pausing between work to post here. It’s been so, so difficult to make myself give up my energy for homework right now. I just don’t want to do it! Haha! It’s like, the end is so close right now that I just want to forget the rest and just let the semester end. I’ve only got 2 days left of class and I’ve got until the end of this week to submit my last handful of assignments. I think the only thing I care about right now is organic chemistry.
Besides that, I’ve downloaded the new animal crossing game. I absolutely love it and I love to use it as a virtual getaway and an excuse to get lost in imagining a life where I’m off the grid and live in a camper. I’m also going to use it as an excuse to post my favorite gameplay shots and my random thoughts here. 😝