Confessions of A Workaholic

giphy-5Between the pandemic and my own anxiety, I’ve been in my feelings. Even though I’m already a hermit, I feel more alone now than ever before. It has forced me to think about my life and who I’ve become. About 3 years ago, I realized that the gratification I felt after working hard on things like projects and assignments was the feeling I was missing in my personal relationships with people. It’s likely that I was expecting constant gratification from others in my life because I never felt like I could get it from my mom. The feeling I’d have after busting my chops on a project, seeing my work, and even having my work recognized by others- it made me feel whole. So that what I focused all of my energy on.

As time went on, relationships with people were placed on the back-burner. People disappointed me. They could never be exactly who I (felt I) needed, when I needed them to be. I could never be who they needed me to be. I couldn’t trust Continue reading “Confessions of A Workaholic”

Is This the Worst-Case Scenario | Life Update

IS THIS THE

From August of 2016 until August of 2019 I had a solid plan. I had a vision. I knew where I wanted to be and I was excited to find out what was drawing my heart there. I devoted myself to my goal as much as I knew how to. I told everyone that I was going to do it and the final months leading up to it, I started to prepare and brace myself.

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Then, August of 2019 came to an end and took my dream with it. It was like watching someone take your most prized possession and tossing it into a grinding garbage disposal. I cried. I grieved. I isolated myself from everyone. I prayed. Everyone told me that I needed to just face what was in front of me; some even suggesting that my dream was never meant to come true in the first place. My heart was shattered into pieces and I didn’t trust bringing it to anyone for revival- not even God. Continue reading “Is This the Worst-Case Scenario | Life Update”

How I Travelled Back In Time

Stop what you're doing.

2019 was the year that I received the closure that I needed the most. All of my behaviors, my phobias, my fears were rooted in the experiences during my childhood that changed the way that I functioned as a person. No matter how old I became, I always thought back to that little misunderstood girl who didn’t deserve the pain that was handed to her. I based a lot of my choices on the vows that I made to her to protect her.

Have you ever heard of a Continue reading “How I Travelled Back In Time”

When You’ve Tried “Everything”

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There are a few things that I’ve been trying to do for years now. My longest-standing unaccomplished goal is to move to Japan. My shortest, but still 3-year-strong, has been to lose a specific amount of weight. In between sits goals like growing my hair to the middle of my back, passing the JLPT N2, getting married, and starting a successful business. It’s so easy for me to say that I’ve tried “everything”, but haven’t had any success. Honestly, it seriously feels like I have. But the fact is- I haven’t tried “everything” yet.

Last year, I started listening to Continue reading “When You’ve Tried “Everything””

The 90-day Mark

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You know, sometimes I feel like I’m doing so great. My optimism peaks at an all-time high. I eat well, go to the gym regularly, pray regularly, and I (feel like I) have a grip on my life.

Other days, I just sink into the depths of my lows. I could be eating better, working out more, praying more, waking up earlier, achieving more at work. Do I have a grip on my life? Or am I standing on the accelerator petal- headed straight for a cement wall? Continue reading “The 90-day Mark”

Fast-forward | 4 Month Update

forward main.gifWell, August is sprinting to the half-way mark and I’m still at the start-line tying my shoe laces. This month began with many epiphanies and hearing Continue reading “Fast-forward | 4 Month Update”