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“Water only what waters you” is how the saying goes. “What you allow is what will continue” says another. It all boils down to the same thing, don’t give all of your energy to people and things that drain you. Well, there’s another half to that solution for one-way relationships and I learned that the other half is to divest.What I mean by that is, not only should you stop putting any more of yourself into the relationship, but you need to take as much as you can back AND invest it somewhere that will immediately start to replenish you.
If you’re finding yourself putting fourth effort to communicate with someone and they don’t want to reciprocate, dwindle your effort down to (or less than) theirs AND start using that time and energy for something else like getting more rest, reading more books, getting to know someone new, or even just enjoying serenity. If someone has been making you feel worthless and unworthy of love, stop giving them your attention and start giving that attention to yourself. Treat yourself more, invest in your passions, and improve in your hobbies. People always say, if you hate your job, quit it. But don’t just stop there! Quit the job and start to do what you want to do! Or start to do something that puts you in a position to do what you want, in a reasonable amount of time.
Don’t allow yourself to wither away just to please another person, run away from a fear, or prove a silly point to yourself or anyone else. Don’t hold onto toxic, one-way relationships just because you’re afraid to let go. There are new, beautiful friendships to be made, a world to be explored, and careers to thrive in out in the world. Don’t let anything stop you from reaching them.
My favorite thing to do in the morning is open my blinds and look at the trees outside of my window. One tree has a branch that hangs particularly close to my window, so I tend to look it it’s leaves first. Today, I noticed brownish, yellowish specks and a thought popped into my head… Time waits for no one.
The summer season is approaching a close and autumn is coming right behind it. No matter who was born or who died, no matter who was hurt or who found peace, no matter who found there way or who went deeper into the darkness… time didn’t stop. The leaves on this tree aren’t going to stop and wait for life to get better or worse to change their color and fall to the ground. The earth will keep rotating, its orbit continual, and time will continue to pass.
I, too, need not wait. Pain from my past, lost friendships, loneliness, or even my upcoming graduation are no excuse for me to pause my life, even for a second. I don’t need to wait for the “perfect” time to pursue my goals, get rid of toxic people and things, or to decide to be confident in myself. I have to get used to continuing on, just like to leaves on that tree. Those brown specks tell me that the tree is anticipating the change in season and I took it as a message from God, that I need to do the same. I’m about to enter a new season, whether I’m ready or not, and it’s time to prepare. Not when I feel like the time is right, but right now.
2018 isn’t over yet and it’s not too late to accomplish the things I’d hoped for by the end of the year. And honestly, before I saw the leaves this morning, I’d already come to the conclusion that I needed to forget the idea of this little “life pause” button that I can sit on when I’m not feeling like moving forward. But it’s a lot easier said than done? Don’t you agree? So, I always need a gentle reminder, like browning tree leaves or a stick note that I’ve placed on my bathroom mirror, or even a Pinterest dream-board.
The seasons are going to change soon. Are you ready?
My 2018 Goals:
I’ve heard that smiling can contribute to a better mood. I want to be happier and I want my inner happiness to be seen on the outside too. I want to be able to transfer some of my joy to another person. I do believe that smiling can give me a little bit of all of the things I listed.
Become an expert
Taking a course and getting a degree does not qualify me as a knowledgeable individual in a specific field. Sure, my school required me to declare a major, but when you find out how many different specific fields exist within “nutrition”, you’ll learn (like I did) that that is the equivalent of having a major titled “science”. My courses are general and so are my textbooks and professors teaching from those books. I need to educate myself in specific fields and I would like to declare my interest in one (or two). I’d also like to improve my expertise in the Japanese language. And although I’ll never become an “expert Christian”, I do think that I could strengthen my spirit more than I do now by studying my bible more often. I know that I’d also mentioned that I wanted to nurture a creative passion, but I haven’t picked that one yet.
Improve my self-confidence
I can change my look a million times and still believe that I don’t look good at all. I can gain all the knowledge in the world and still not believe that I’m smart. I’m tired of chasing things that will never satisfy me. So I’d like to work on true self-acceptance.
Be slow to anger
I know that my anger has impaired my ability to enjoy where I am in life in more than one occasion. In 2018, I refuse to spend my energy being angry when I should be working on becoming a better me.
Enjoy the year
Truly, I think it’s safe to say that this all boils down to me finding peace. I’m trying to move into the next chapter in my life and for once I’d like to leave some of this heavy baggage behind. I don’t want to spend my last year of undergrad and last year in America, rushing and thinking about how great things will be when it’s all said and done. I want to make the absolute most of 2018 and I with a smile on my face.
This morning, I took some time to write my last entry in my 2017 bullet journal. I wanna just say that bullet journals are AMAZING. I am so glad that I invested in that little notebook for my thoughts. I’ve actually filled up almost every page with my thoughts, ideas, schedules, grocery lists, etc… The entry I wrote this morning was so important and will likely become a reference point for me over the next 12 months. I meditated over just about every other word as I thought about where I am today and where I was this time last year. And when I closed that notebook, I couldn’t help but smile at the idea that I may have this bright future available. It honestly makes me more grateful for every day that I wake up. And speaking of grateful, I also made sure to write out the instructions that I have received from God recently.
Also, today is Christmas and I love it. The idea of a day to celebrate the birth of my savior… Just brings me an unexplainable kind of joy. But is it strange that the next holiday on my mind is Easter aka The Resurrection.
Well, my break is coming along quite nicely. I’m in the place I’d rather be, I have 0 obligations, I’ve managed to push all worries to the side, and I’ve spent lots of time meditating or reflecting. Of course, I’ve been reflecting on the topic I mentioned earlier, which was my anger. The more I thought about things like my trigger, the more I found myself coming to a common denominator. That common denominator is my MOUTH! My words! I have a habit of speaking when I really don’t need to and probably shouldn’t. I always want to spit out a quick, mean response at someone, or I want to tell them how they’re inspiring the most negative thoughts within me. If not that, I am hurling out the harshest words at someone whom I’ve allowed to offend me.
Well, I want to try something new. It’s quite tough for me to say that I am going to only speak with a purpose- although I am working towards that. Instead, I will try to think before I say anything that I know can cause a problem. So, before I speak my mind, respond to something aggravating, respond in an argument, or rant on social media, I will ask myself who is benefiting. If the answer is no one, then I won’t say it or post it. I truly believe that perhaps, if I can prevent flames that have already been sparked from growing larger, I can lessen my chances of being burned.
We will see how this goes for me. My last year of college is steadily approaching and I am expecting to be tested. That’s a topic for an upcoming post though.
I’ve realized that it’s time that I narrow down my long list of things I want to do to just a few things that I should improve right now. I actually wrote an entire entry about this, but I haven’t posted it because I haven’t proof red it yet.
Anyway, I’ve got some new projects that I’m planning to begin soon! Continue reading →