There’s no manual given to you when you become a parent. There’s no customized guide to tell you what’s best for your child. There’s also no rewind button after you’ve had a major role in an event that traumatized your child. There’s no law that says they have to forgive you, or bring their children (if they have any) around you. Just like there’s no law that says every parent must have the perfect parenting technique. It’s tricky, isn’t it? Being completely responsible for another human’s physical and emotional needs. I don’t have any children, but I am the child to parents whom I once held a great deal of resentment towards.
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It’s really easy for me to tell someone that I “couldn’t care less” about whatever their problem is- especially when they’ve got a problem with me. It’s even easier for me to brag to other people about how resilient and “thick-skinned” I am. Yet, my anxiety at its core has always been the exact opposite. I’m like a fruit or vegetable with a hard outer shell, but the inside is as mushy as melted ice-cream. Anxiety makes me vulnerable. It whispers into my ear that something is wrong and someone is out to get me. However, in my recent quest to overcome anxiety once and for all, I’ve learned a weapon that can be used against it- the art of not giving a single damn. Continue reading →
Tomorrow marks the end of my new job. It’s crazy to think that nearly 2 months ago I said I was unhappy about starting this job, but now I’m sad just imagining it ending. I love my job. I’ve gained so much from it. Wisdom, closure for past trauma, friendship, and perhaps more. I can’t believe that it went by so quickly and not a single day was “bad”. I just can’t believe it’s almost over. I can remember the day I walked in, confused and Continue reading →
So, you’re not where you (think you) want to be in life right now. You’ve got a vision of the ideal future, its bells and whistles, and you can just image how much better things would be if you could get there. I get it. Trust me, I do. I’ve dreamt of packing my things and starting my life in Japan since I was a little girl. It was easy to look at things and say “well, at least when I move away I won’t have to deal with that anymore”. Funny enough, the things that I was trying to run away from just happened to constantly reoccur in my life. I hadn’t considered that maybe I was the issue and that it was time for a change.
About a year or so ago, I discussed this with Continue reading →
My first post on this blog was nearly 2 years ago and I thought it’d be nice to see where life has taken me and if I still feel the same way.
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The final question that this article asks was my second favorite question because it forced me to really dig deep into my feelings.
5. If money were no object, how would you live your life differently?
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After some recent sad events, I’ve been questioning myself a lot. It seems like just a couple of weeks ago I was riding through life on “cruise” mode, but as soon as things got a little hectic I jumped on the brakes and grabbed the wheel. It’s uncomfortable, if I’m being honest. The time that I spent cruising through life was the first time that I have felt free in a long time. I wasn’t concerned too much with anything. Not work or school, nothing. I just told myself it’ll all work out the way God intends and I solely focused on my part- which was to just keep doing my best. One forced kiss, verbal altercation, and academic situation later and I’m back where I started. Struggling to navigate through life on terms that I set out of self-preservation.
In the midst of finding my way back to peace, I decided to do some searching through the Continue reading →