Little Specks of Brown

My favorite thing to do in the morning is open my blinds and look at the trees outside of my window. One tree has a branch that hangs particularly close to my window, so I tend to look it it’s leaves first. Today, I noticed brownish, yellowish specks and a thought popped into my head… Time waits for no one.

The summer season is approaching a close and autumn is coming right behind it. No matter who was born or who died, no matter who was hurt or who found peace, no matter who found there way or who went deeper into the darkness… time didn’t stop. The leaves on this tree aren’t going to stop and wait for life to get better or worse to change their color and fall to the ground. The earth will keep rotating, its orbit continual, and time will continue to pass.

I, too, need not wait. Pain from my past, lost friendships, loneliness, or even my upcoming graduation are no excuse for me to pause my life, even for a second. I don’t need to wait for the “perfect” time to pursue my goals, get rid of toxic people and things, or to decide to be confident in myself. I have to get used to continuing on, just like to leaves on that tree. Those brown specks tell me that the tree is anticipating the change in season and I took it as a message from God, that I need to do the same. I’m about to enter a new season, whether I’m ready or not, and it’s time to prepare. Not when I feel like the time is right, but right now.

2018 isn’t over yet and it’s not too late to accomplish the things I’d hoped for by the end of the year. And honestly, before I saw the leaves this morning, I’d already come to the conclusion that I needed to forget the idea of this little “life pause” button that I can sit on when I’m not feeling like moving forward. But it’s a lot easier said than done? Don’t you agree? So, I always need a gentle reminder, like browning tree leaves or a stick note that I’ve placed on my bathroom mirror, or even a Pinterest dream-board.

The seasons are going to change soon. Are you ready?

How I got my glow back

I’ll probably end up writing several posts the revolve around this topic instead of one large one.

A year ago from today, I couldn’t have anticipated the things would unfold the way that they did. The last 12 months have been like nothing I’ve experienced before and I’ve learned so much. The academic year started off with Continue reading →

Shouldn’t Everyone Go To College?

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To go or not to go… that is the question… right? As an adult who really wasn’t that interested in going to college as a teen, but still went, I might have a balanced perspective on the matter for those who are contemplating going (or forcing their kids to/not to go). Continue reading →

My Only Summer Goal

Spend today ina library

It was just three months ago that I sat in my supervisors office with red, swollen, teary eyes. I was irritable, irrational, and just straight up tired of the world. My supervisor sat across from me in attendance of my pity party with a sad look on her face and she asked me if I wanted to continue working at my job.  Continue reading →

Waking Up Depressed

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This one’s gonna get personal…


I used to identify as someone who wasn’t a “morning person” because of how difficult it was for me to get out of bed in the morning. I had a ridiculously difficult time getting out of bed. And even once I finally dragged myself out of the bed, I still didn’t feel like myself. 

Continue reading →

Goals for 2018

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My 2018 Goals:

Smile more

I’ve heard that smiling can contribute to a better mood. I want to be happier and I want my inner happiness to be seen on the outside too. I want to be able to transfer some of my joy to another person. I do believe that smiling can give me a little bit of all of the things I listed.

Become an expert

Taking a course and getting a degree does not qualify me as a knowledgeable individual in a specific field. Sure, my school required me to declare a major, but when you find out how many different specific fields exist within “nutrition”, you’ll learn (like I did) that that is the equivalent of having a major titled “science”. My courses are general and so are my textbooks and professors teaching from those books. I need to educate myself in specific fields and I would like to declare my interest in one (or two). I’d also like to improve my expertise in the Japanese language. And although I’ll never become an “expert Christian”, I do think that I could strengthen my spirit more than I do now by studying my bible more often. I know that I’d also mentioned that I wanted to nurture a creative passion, but I haven’t picked that one yet.

 

Improve my self-confidence

I can change my look a million times and still believe that I don’t look good at all. I can gain all the knowledge in the world and still not believe that I’m smart. I’m tired of chasing things that will never satisfy me. So I’d like to work on true self-acceptance.

Be slow to anger

I know that my anger has impaired my ability to enjoy where I am in life in more than one occasion. In 2018, I refuse to spend my energy being angry when I should be working on becoming a better me.

Enjoy the year

Truly, I think it’s safe to say that this all boils down to me finding peace. I’m trying to move into the next chapter in my life and for once I’d like to leave some of this heavy baggage behind. I don’t want to spend my last year of undergrad and last year in America, rushing and thinking about how great things will be when it’s all said and done. I want to make the absolute most of 2018 and I with a smile on my face.