I haven’t made one of these in a while and I’ve got a few reasons why not:
I struggle to cook here at my dad’s place because I can’t meal prep here (no fridge space)
I’ve been looking for alternative solutions to weight loss (and found one) because I hated tracking my foods
So here’s the update: Between stress, prayer (to take my appetite away), “skinny tea”, beach body, and wearing a waist trainer every other day, I just don’t eat much anymore. I probably eat once or twice in a day and only 1 of those meals will be “large”. I mostly drink smoothies (superfood powder mixed with a bolthouse premade smoothie), coffee, and water during the day. When I become the least bit anxious, I completely lose my appetite and I don’t eat anything except fruit sometimes.
Now, I know this sounds unhealthy. Okay, it is unhealthy. However, it’s working in my favor. I needed to hit the reset button on my appetite so I could get a grip on my dietary choices. It’s so much easier now for me to chose to eat nutritious foods because I’m not constantly starving and willing to eat anything. And when I do eat unhealthy, I don’t each much of it. So far, I’ve lost 7lbs and I know I’ll lose more if I keep this up. When I do eat, it’s usually at least 1/2 vegetables.
So that’s that. Hopefully, as I get myself together, I’ll get a better grip on this. But for now, it’s working very well for me.
Remember that post I wrote a long time ago about how I wanted to be like Iron Man, Dr. Strange, and Bruce Banner at the beginning of Infinity War? No? Me either. I was going to link it in this post, but I don’t even remember the title. Anyway, look at this video:
When the sound of an alien ship roared and sent gusts of wind topping everything over, most people in the city did exactly what anyone else would do. Get the F outta the way! Yet, these 3 men walked toward it, curious and prepared for a fight. Even after coming face-to-face with their new foe, who could’ve been much stronger than they could handle, the heroes took a fighting stance and walked straight towards the danger. Why is that? Because they weren’t afraid of a fight. Actually, they always anticipated their enemies attack. Dr. Strange didn’t assume that because he wasn’t currently under attack that an enemy wasn’t on the way. Iron Man didn’t put his suit on and say “gosh I sure hope my armor doesn’t fail and I lose this fight.” And Banner, who couldn’t even transform into the Hulk, refused to stay out of the fight and later returned in a suit of armor. For the past 2 years now, I’ve been waiting for that moment. Not the moment where I’m faced with an enemy, but when I fearlessly run towards what scares me instead of away.Continue reading “The Moment I’ve Been Waiting For!”→
Right now, I’m in a grey area- a blank space in my life. It’s been like some sort of interlude. Personally, I never understood the point of interludes in movies, TV shows, or even music. I’m not a woman who enjoys suspense, I like to just get straight to the point so I can see how things end. (And whether the ending is in my favor/to my liking.) That’s an entirely different post that I’ll be writing later today though.
On Monday of this week, I got smacked across the face like an unprepared MMA fighter. My opponent: Anxiety. I was suddenly stormed by a myriad of thoughts about things I probably did wrong or ways that I’m not enough in my social, academic, work, or romantic life. I’ve spent the past 4 years now only taking paths that I felt sure that I had control over the outcomes on and I’ve been punched harder and harder, repeatedly since then. Every time something didn’t work out the way I thought they would, I’d face a depression like none other. It felt like my entire world was ending. Why? Because I’d be reminded that not only do I not have control, but I missed out on the opportunity to pursue a passion or fully enjoy a moment because I was hyper-focused on the end.
So, I’ve realized I definitely can’t do these weekly. I think once or twice a week will be my routine for the food diary posts.
Anyway, my food-life has been very interesting lately! Let me start with this past Sunday. I weighed myself and was down 3 pounds! I was honestly shocked because I had a couple of days where I slipped up and went over on the calories. It’s very likely that the reason I still lost weight was that I exercised and burned approximately 270kcal Monday through Friday. I think I said this in a previous post, but I do not factor exercise into my calorie consumption right now for a few reasons. One, is that I don’t believe I exercise enough to eat more calories. Another reason is that I want to focus on studying my eating habits and learning what 1200 to 1500 calories a day looks like. Continue reading “Food Diary #4 |Fitness & Nutrition”→
I really hate to admit it, but I snack way too often. It’s like a hobby to me and it soothes literally any emotion. Pissed off? Oreo cookies. Depressed? Hershey’s Pie. Feeling in love (with Andy Samberg’s character on B99)? Toaster strudel. I mean, I can tell you a snack for any occasion.
Between the pandemic and my own anxiety, I’ve been in my feelings. Even though I’m already a hermit, I feel more alone now than ever before. It has forced me to think about my life and who I’ve become. About 3 years ago, I realized that the gratification I felt after working hard on things like projects and assignments was the feeling I was missing in my personal relationships with people. It’s likely that I was expecting constant gratification from others in my life because I never felt like I could get it from my mom. The feeling I’d have after busting my chops on a project, seeing my work, and even having my work recognized by others- it made me feel whole. So that what I focused all of my energy on.
As time went on, relationships with people were placed on the back-burner. People disappointed me. They could never be exactly who I (felt I) needed, when I needed them to be. I could never be who they needed me to be. I couldn’t trust Continue reading “Confessions of A Workaholic”→
From August of 2016 until August of 2019 I had a solid plan. I had a vision. I knew where I wanted to be and I was excited to find out what was drawing my heart there. I devoted myself to my goal as much as I knew how to. I told everyone that I was going to do it and the final months leading up to it, I started to prepare and brace myself.
Then, August of 2019 came to an end and took my dream with it. It was like watching someone take your most prized possession and tossing it into a grinding garbage disposal. I cried. I grieved. I isolated myself from everyone. I prayed. Everyone told me that I needed to just face what was in front of me; some even suggesting that my dream was never meant to come true in the first place. My heart was shattered into pieces and I didn’t trust bringing it to anyone for revival- not even God. Continue reading “Is This the Worst-Case Scenario | Life Update”→
At the end of September, I posted that I was taking a short break from writing in order to focus on other things.
Other things included my upcoming graduation next month and my absolutely pointless courseload, studying Japanese, posting more content on my other platforms, improving my quality of life, acquiring a post-graduation job, and the list goes on. So much has changed and the past few months have been absolute hell. Looking back, I predicted this in my diary over the summer. I just knew that there was no way I’d get to glide my way through the finish line. So let me be transparent and catch you up. Continue reading “A Lot Has Changed”→