To go or not to go… that is the question… right? As an adult who really wasn’t that interested in going to college as a teen, but still went, I might have a balanced perspective on the matter for those who are contemplating going (or forcing their kids to/not to go). Continue reading →
For the majority of my time spent in grade school, I was teased mercilessly by my peers and called ugly. If it wasn’t for my superior academic performance, my dark brown complexion, or the fact that I, a black child, spoke an East Asian language, it was for just plain old “not being pretty”. My strong, African features that my ancestors blessed me with have always been prime targets for my antagonists. Over time, I started to see their point about everything but my complexion. (For some reason, the black comments just never got under my skin and I always enjoyed my dark color.) Perhaps I should have a slimmer nose, Brazilian wavy curls, and huge breasts. Not to mention, I was obsessed with my weight and I never saw myself as slim enough or capable of losing weight by any means other than starvation. Continue reading →
I know the title sounds dramatic for a lot of people and I’m not saying that there’s no such thing as a “friend”, but in this post I’d like to discuss my perspective. Continue reading →
I can not believe the summer is going by so fast. In fact, I actually feel pretty indifferent when I consider it. This summer has been the most relaxing summer I’ve had. I learned so much about myself this past year, but especially over the past couple of months and I’m finally getting to the point in my life that I so desperately sought after. I am actually enjoying where I am in my life at this very moment. It could be because I’ve isolated myself from most people on most days, it could be that a break from school has allowed me to reset, it could be because I’m actually doing things that I enjoy and that make me feel fulfilled. Whatever the reason is, I’m truly appreciating this time. Continue reading →
This one’s gonna get personal…
I used to identify as someone who wasn’t a “morning person” because of how difficult it was for me to get out of bed in the morning. I had a ridiculously difficult time getting out of bed. And even once I finally dragged myself out of the bed, I still didn’t feel like myself.
Continue reading →
I met a young woman named Laura last weekend. She was on the riverwalk, where I had been sitting and praying, taking photos. Continue reading →
The depths of my mind used to be a place that I was afraid to visit. It was dark and filled to its capacity with bad thoughts and nightmarish versions of all my memories. I’ve slowly sorted through the thoughts in there and I’ve emptied out much of the trash ones. I’m still questioning just about everything I thought I knew about myself and my beliefs. Today, while pondering the typical college student thoughts of “what will I do when I graduate”, I realized something. I don’t want to do what I’m doing now. Just typing that feels so bad…
What if the job that I always considered to be my “childhood dream” isn’t really the job that I want to do? For a normal person, this is probably a ridiculous and simple question. Of course the job you thought you wanted to do as a child is not the job that you want to do now! Well… it’s not that simple for me. For a long time, I held on to my inner child. As if I froze her in the moment that I began to dislike my childhood, only to revisit her when I became an adult and give her all of the things she wished she had emotionally and physically. It’s been very difficult for me to realize that the child has grown up and no longer requires to be taken care of in this way, but it’s been a work in progress. At a time, I tailored my life to revolve around her. I played with toys, bought books I used to read as a child, and even listened to some music that she liked. I got past almost all of it, but I’m learning that there are still some things that I think and do that are soley based on this inner child that I am working to get rid of. Today’s epiphany was just another hurdle that I think I am ready to overcome. I’m starting to realize that my dream of becoming a laboratory scientist may not be the actual route that I want to take. I do love science and I enjoy my job, but I am being forced to accept the fact that it is just not what I want to do for a career and that that’s OK. When I think of myself pursuing a different career, I almost feel as if I’ve let someone down.
As far as my career is concerned, well that’s a beast for another day. I’ve said it here before, but I don’t see myself just doing some regular 9-5 madness for my entire life. And I don’t think I should feel one bit of guilt if my first job after college seemingly has nothing to do with what I went to school for. Considering the many ways that nutrition can be bent and twisted to fit anywhere, I don’t see why I’d feel bad for applying for a job other than that of a clinical dietitian. I know that thinking this way seems worthless to most people. They think i’ll “learn” when I end up stuck at my 9 to 5 trying to make ends meet. It’s always funny to me because I don’t live in the box that everyone has their minds confined to. The good news for me is that I am single and free to explore life however I see fit and I intend to remain this way until I find a place in life that I’m ready to settle into.