I Got PLAYED

play with her emotions (2)

I went from being afraid to tell my close friends and family about my dating woes to announcing to the world that I got played like a brand new PS2 in the early 2000’s. It’s a part of that whole thing I said about being more transparent and whatnot.

In the spirit of (vengeance and) transparency, I’m just gonna let it all out. Continue reading “I Got PLAYED”

Confessions of A Workaholic

giphy-5Between the pandemic and my own anxiety, I’ve been in my feelings. Even though I’m already a hermit, I feel more alone now than ever before. It has forced me to think about my life and who I’ve become. About 3 years ago, I realized that the gratification I felt after working hard on things like projects and assignments was the feeling I was missing in my personal relationships with people. It’s likely that I was expecting constant gratification from others in my life because I never felt like I could get it from my mom. The feeling I’d have after busting my chops on a project, seeing my work, and even having my work recognized by others- it made me feel whole. So that what I focused all of my energy on.

As time went on, relationships with people were placed on the back-burner. People disappointed me. They could never be exactly who I (felt I) needed, when I needed them to be. I could never be who they needed me to be. I couldn’t trust Continue reading “Confessions of A Workaholic”

Is This the Worst-Case Scenario | Life Update

IS THIS THE

From August of 2016 until August of 2019 I had a solid plan. I had a vision. I knew where I wanted to be and I was excited to find out what was drawing my heart there. I devoted myself to my goal as much as I knew how to. I told everyone that I was going to do it and the final months leading up to it, I started to prepare and brace myself.

giphy

Then, August of 2019 came to an end and took my dream with it. It was like watching someone take your most prized possession and tossing it into a grinding garbage disposal. I cried. I grieved. I isolated myself from everyone. I prayed. Everyone told me that I needed to just face what was in front of me; some even suggesting that my dream was never meant to come true in the first place. My heart was shattered into pieces and I didn’t trust bringing it to anyone for revival- not even God. Continue reading “Is This the Worst-Case Scenario | Life Update”

When You’ve Tried “Everything”

everything1

There are a few things that I’ve been trying to do for years now. My longest-standing unaccomplished goal is to move to Japan. My shortest, but still 3-year-strong, has been to lose a specific amount of weight. In between sits goals like growing my hair to the middle of my back, passing the JLPT N2, getting married, and starting a successful business. It’s so easy for me to say that I’ve tried “everything”, but haven’t had any success. Honestly, it seriously feels like I have. But the fact is- I haven’t tried “everything” yet.

Last year, I started listening to Continue reading “When You’ve Tried “Everything””

I Finally Admitted the Truth

1.png

“So what is it that you want to do?” That’s the biggest question of 2019 for graduating seniors, isn’t it?

I started this blog 2 years ago, almost 3? My intention was to write my thoughts, plans, and activities leading up to Continue reading “I Finally Admitted the Truth”

Social Media And Mental Health

1 (3).pngAs a very introverted, anti-social woman, I have no problem admitting that I don’t enjoy social media. My reasoning is what you’d expect from someone like me. I am easily exhausted by human interaction, anxious, and sometimes prone to irritation. Social media can be a great tool for connecting or re-connecting with people, building a business, and even befriending new people with similar interests. However, social media can also be a war zone. People spew hate-speech, publicly (virtually) crucify people for their mistakes, and cyber-bully the innocent. Today, it is my personal preference to Continue reading “Social Media And Mental Health”

A Note to My Readers

Thank.png

There are people who read my blog and that’s something that I can hardly fathom. Between a lack of confidence and a serious case of impostor syndrome, I never felt that I could create anything that would be of value to anyone else. Despite having so many reasons to believe otherwise, I still struggle to wrap my mind around someone thinking a creation of mine is worth their time.

But this is not a post about my struggles with anxiety and identity. This is simply a post to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who has read even one of my posts. Thank you to those who’ve subscribed to my blog. Thank you to each and every commentor. Thank you to everyone who’s written to me to personally let me know that they enjoy my content. I’ve contemplated giving up this blog so many times and I’m glad I’ve decided to stick around. I look forward to continuing to write and share my little 2 cents on life.

~Courtney

According to Maslow, I’m Seriously Lacking

According to Maslow, I'm Seriously Lacking.png

I was in church, prepared for the sermon, when this triangular-diagram was projected onto the big screen behind my pastor. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. This was no concept that I was new to, but I was surprised to see it being brought up in church. As I gazed at this big pyramid in front of me, I was devastated by what I realized. Continue reading “According to Maslow, I’m Seriously Lacking”