How I “Upgraded” My Look (Long Post)

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In May of last year, I was in a terrible mental space. It was the second time in my life where I’d reached the proverbial “rock bottom” emotionally. I was forced to face all of the feelings that I had bottled-in for over 5 years. While I won’t go into much of the specifics, I will say that it was the result of not being honest with myself. I would tell myself that I was fine when I wasn’t, say I was taking a “break” from dating when I really wanted to be in a relationship, etc… I wasn’t taking the best care of myself and I certainly wasn’t putting myself first. I think the only thing I cared about was making money. I was struggling mentally and it had started to affect my job, so I quit and decided that I would take on the financial burden of going two months without pay- the beginning of the financial crisis I’m in now, to figure myself out. Continue reading →

Do You Actually Embrace Your Flaws?

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For the majority of my time spent in grade school, I was teased mercilessly by my peers and called ugly. If it wasn’t for my superior academic performance, my dark brown complexion, or the fact that I, a black child, spoke an East Asian language, it was for just plain old “not being pretty”. My strong, African features that my ancestors blessed me with have always been prime targets for my antagonists. Over time, I started to see their point about everything but my complexion. (For some reason, the black comments just never got under my skin and I always enjoyed my dark color.) Perhaps I should have a slimmer nose, Brazilian wavy curls, and huge breasts. Not to mention, I was obsessed with my weight and I never saw myself as slim enough or capable of losing weight by any means other than starvation.  Continue reading →